OOPS!

What could possibly go wrong with a walk in the park?

What could possibly go wrong with a walk around the lake?

Answer: PLENTY.

‘Isn’t it strange,’ says H as we sit on the roadside by the lake, about four miles from our house, waiting for the daughter number one to arrive with the spare set of car keys, ‘how when we try to do a small thing, a simple thing, something regularly goes wrong?’

‘Very strange,’ I reply with feeling. A lot of ill feeling since I was the one who boobed and guilt is not a nice feeling especially when H is being very nice about my little mistake. It has been half an hour since I locked the car keys in the trunk and I’m not wearing my happy face.

The pic at the top of the page is why we were there in the first place, doing our regular two mile trot around the lake and admiring the views and how the sun shimmered through the trees.

I bet we’re not any different to you guys, we’ve all had our little vehicular mishaps haven’t we? I remember a time H left his wallet on the roof of the car and drove off without a care in the world. Fortunately, or more like miraculously, the car at the time had a sort of edge where a roof box could be fixed and the wallet was still there when we arrived at home.

A memorable car incident was when daughter number two and I went to collect a Christmas tree from the garden centre, which is just up the road. My brilliant idea had been to open the car windows and tie the tree to the roof with rope. That car didn’t have roof bars. We wondered why a handful of men in the garden centre car park were watching us with big eyes and grinning. Then we realised why when it became obvious we’d tied the doors closed, which meant climbing in the windows. Which we did as the guys howled with laughter - we were undaunted and waved as we left. But my daughter’s face was radioactive with embarrassment and she’s never come with me to buy a tree again.

Then there was the time we went to visit my late mother-in-law in Oban and as we left the town driving up a steep hill we looked down into the road where she lived and found her doing a sort of crazy jig in the front garden. We’d left the dog behind. And since my mother-in-law had not a lotta love for the dog… And the dog had not a lotta love for her… You can imagine the jig.

So I wasn’t in the best frame of mind when we got home, but then something happened that made my day!

In recent weeks I’ve been working very hard with a cover designer called Gabrielle Prendergast (who is simply awesome, patient, great sense of humour) of Cover Your Dreams to re-brand my contemporary romances and she’s done an awesome job of the six covers. Only four are published so far and here are the new covers for Reckless Nights In Rome, A Stormy Spring , and Run Rosie Run.

Reckless Cover

book2flat copy

book3finalflat-2 copy

I’ll add Coco when I receive it, then I’ll do a cover reveal for The Fall of Jacob DelGarda. The colours are amazing when they’re all grouped together.

You know I love hearing from you!

Share with us your car incidents - can’t wait for these!

Christine XX

AAAAAND SHE’S LANDED!

It’s been brought home to me that I should have posted an alert here, in my blog, that book four of The Ludlow Hall series, The Trouble With Coco Monroe is live on Amazon!

The Trouble With Coco Monroe is live now at Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble, Nook Store UK, KOBO, Smashwords, WH Smith UK and Sony US & Canada.

The Trouble With Coco Monroe

The Trouble With Coco Monroe

 

The life of a writer is such that some things slip, and I’m deeply ashamed to say that posts to this blog have slipped. Yes, I’ve had many ideas for posts, but I’ve simply run out of hours in the day to post them. Which doesn’t help you guys at all. So I promise to do better in the future.

One of the things I’d really like y’all to consider is have you ever written a love letter to your significant other? Or have you become lazy and just send texts and msgs with LOL or XOXO?

Coming soon is my first ever love letter to H, written very recently.

So go for it, write your significant other a love letter and share it with us. Why should I be the only one to share my heart with the world? Step up and be men - or women!

Big Hugs

Christine xx

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

Happy Sunday, peeps.

Who remembers Lana Turner’s quiff?

Whether it’s on the news or walking into town for my weekly latte with my girls, it struck me that we were surrounded by quiffs! Quiffs everywhere! Along with bomber jackets like the Fonz in Happy Days! Remember him?

Spring - oh where for art thou, Spring - fashion has been struck by the jitter bug. It’s a blast from the past. A moment where the carefree and slightly wild side of the fifties is rocking the high street in Britain. Capri pants are back (they’ve never gone from my wardrobe) and plimsolls. And boys are now combing their hair (thank God) instead of that weird reverse blow dry look some of them had going. You know what I mean, the one where Justin Beiber (I am not a fan 😦 ) just came out of a wind tunnel backwards with droopy bangs down to their chin and the pants so far down their hips we can see their calvins. Why did anyone think that was a good look? What were they thinking?

Anyway, from what I’m seeing we also have a return to the high street of what I call ‘the peacocks’ led by Olympic cyclist Bradley Wiggins. I can’t say I’m fond of his skinny body in lycra, but he can work a suit.

But the man who works a suit best is the awesome Savile Row tailor, Ozwald Boetang. Seen here wearing one of his own. I use Ozwald’s suits for my heroes in my romances. The man is a master.

But back to the quiff!

Here’s the lovely Kate Beckinsale working the look beautifully. And I’m seeing lots and lots of young girls working this look too.

So ultimately, what goes around comes around.

Thank you, fashion designers, for bringing back the age of the mod and the rockabilly and Fred Perry!

You know I adore hearing from you, so tell me:

What was your favourite time in your youth?

Were you a mod or a rocker?

Did you wear winkle-pickers and pancake on your face girls?

And boys did you keep a comb in your back pocket?

As an aside to all of this, Run Rosie Run is being highlighted on the lovely Michael Gallagher’s Kindle Books and tips blog today for a steal at $.99cents. So grab it while you can!

Christine xxx

 

 

Good News - it’s been a Witch of a day!

Big Trouble In China in Amazon's Best Seller Paranormal List

Big Trouble In China in Amazon’s Best Seller Paranormal List

Good morning, boys and girls!

Today’s been a good day in the hectic life of this author. I was alerted by a fan that Big Trouble In China, book 1 of the Vampyre Legal Chronicles has hit Amazon’s Best Seller Paranormal list for Witches and Wizards at #8 in the top 100!

 

It’s doing well on Barnes & Noble and iTunes too.
To update readers on book three of the series - I’m way behind - Gia’s Song will be out at the end of May.
At the moment I’m knee-deep in edits for The Trouble With Coco Monroe, book 4 of The Ludlow Hall series. I’ll keep you posted on when she goes live. Then I’m working on the re-write of Desert Orchid as well as working on Book 5 of The Ludlow Series, The Fall of Jacob Del Garda and book 4 of The Vampyre Legal Chronicles, which doesn’t have a title yet.
All of the above is why this blog has been neglected and for that I ask your forgiveness!
Do you get the feeling I’ve bitten off more than I can chew?? 🙂
If you visit iTunes, check out the review numbers for Reckless Nights In Rome, book one of The Ludlow Hall series - I’m thrilled that it’s now received 336(!) 4.7* reviews. Woot! And on Barnes & Noble Reckless has 103 4.6* reviews. And as you know it’s finalled in the Indie Romance Convention Readers Choice Awards for 2013. Voting is open until the end of April - the link is on the right hand side of the blog. So if your fingers are feeling twitchy, please feel free to vote and spread the word. I’m up against some big guns. But to be nominated at all has been the highlight of this amazing journey.
One of the things I’ll never, ever forget was the night almost a year ago to the day when we pressed the button on Amazon for the book to go live. I’ve never been so terrified; sweaty palms, palpitations, excitement, dread and that, ‘What the hell am I doing? It’s not good enough. It needs more work. Mwahahaha!’ feeling. It’s been a roller-coaster ride and it’s still going.
Talking sales numbers is something I avoid, but I can say that sales on Barnes & Noble over the past four months are in the five figures. Amazon I hit four figures last month alone as I did in the last quarter with iTunes. Downloads in Reckless Nights In Rome are in the hundreds of thousands across five distributors and cover something like fifty countries. Big Trouble In China is rocking too, as you can see.
I’d never in my wildest dreams believed it was possible for an independent author to do this. To reach hundreds of thousands of readers, to meet them live on-line, to have them email, FB message, Tweet me or for wonderful fans to set up a street team for me. I still can’t believe these wonderful women take time out of their busy lives to care so much about the books that they promote them far and wide. If you’d like to join The Ludlow Girls street team just click HERE or send me a message. It’s a closed Facebook group and we have a lot of laughs and fun, plus I give them out takes of the stories, character inspirations, cover reveals/choice, competitions and news. But I also want to say that every single person who’s emailed or messaged me will also receive alerts when the next book goes live.
But none of the above happened without a support team. First up is H, he does all the IT technical support including all formatting, dealing with the distributors, keeping an eye on trends, the financial side, spreadsheets, and he does the covers! I have a team of editors and beta readers who are amazing.
I’m a member of fabulous writer’s groups, WANA - We Are Not Alone - run by the awesome Kristen Lamb just click on the link if you want to learn more about the craft and social networking, Kristen is the hot mama to go to.
I’m also a member of DeeDee Scott’s amazing The Writer’s Guide to E-Publishing WG2E author group. WG2E also has an awesome Facebook Street team for authors. It is a closed group, so again if you want to join just message me.
However, the people who are at the front and centre of every single thing I do is you, the reader. Without you none of this would have happened. The way you’ve embraced my work has thrilled and humbled me.
I love you guys.
Christine xxx

A VERY HAPPY EASTER BUNNY!

Happy Easter Monday, my darlings!

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, and I trust the bouncing bunny of good luck and good fortune has smiled upon you all.

When my girls were little, they used to get really excited by Easter because their mother bought and even *cough* made baskets and chicks for their annual Easter Egg hunt with their friends. I cannot tell you how many hard (think solid rock) boiled eggs they’ve painted over the years. They’re a bit old for all that these days, so I look forward to doing the same with my grandchildren. Although the likelihood of grandchildren happening anytime soon is zero. The biological clocks are ticking, girls, just say’in!

My favourite candy eggs are Cadbury’s creme eggs and if you guys across the pond haven’t tried one, then you don’t know what you’re missing.

url

You can buy them singly or in packs of three/six/twelve etc.

This year I’ve been so good it isn’t funny because I have a history with Cadbury’s creme eggs. A history that goes back many, many years.

Do you girls remember what it was like to be pregnant with your first child? Remember how we nourished the bump with prenatol cream to avoid stretch marks? I used to rub in the cream religiously every morning and night. And if I was lucky H might lend a hand too. There is a point to this story, it’s coming.

Anyway, my first child was born in November. And that meant I had a whole Scottish summer with ‘the bump’. And what a beautiful bump it was. Since I was lucky enough to be a housewife and my garden was secluded, I could lie on my back in a bikini to let the sun do its thing. I can always remember the time I was seven months pregnant and I went to my pre-natal check up. H came with me. The nurse pulled back my dress and grinned at ‘the bump’.

‘Look at that,’ she said in a cheery voice. ‘What a beautiful bump and not a stretch mark.’

The lovely doctor smiled and did his thing with the measuring tape. ‘I have to say, Christine. It is the perfect shape. And what a fantastic colour. It’s really brown.’

How lovely are they, I thought, feeling pretty pleased with me and the bump.

Until.

‘That’s not a baby,’ said H in his deep growly voice. ‘That’s a huge Cadbury’s creme egg. She’s scoffed so many, the factory had to take on extra workers to meet demand.’

Haha! Very funny. But also, I’m ashamed to say, very true. This year I’ve had three Cadbury’s creme eggs.

But I’ve also had THE most amazing news I want to share with you guys!!

FINALIST IN INDIE ROMANCE CONVENTION READER’S CHOICE AWARD FOR 2013

It’s been eleven months since Reckless Nights In Rome was published. I know, I can’t believe it either.

 

Reckless Nights In Rome

Reckless Nights In Rome

Since that nerve-wracking day, the book has been downloaded hundreds of thousands of times across fifty countries via iTunes, Amazon.com, Kobo, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, and many more. Across those distributors reader reviews are in four figures with an average of 4.6% out of 5* - and I have to say I feel truly humbled by those statistics. Reckless has been in the top 100, sometimes reaching the top five of iTunes and the top twenty in Amazon.com. And readers have contacted me from every corner of the globe, many of whom have gone on to buy books two and three of the series.

However, the big news is that the book has finaled in the Indie Romance Convention Readers’s Choice 2013 Awards, which means the book was selected by readers! Woot! And not only that, but people can go in and vote HERE.

So, if you’re sick of chocolate eggs and feel so inclined, please vote! You don’t have to sign in or jump through hoops, just click on the little button second from the top.

You know I adore hearing from you guys!

What are your favourite Easter stories?

And what did you do with your children/grandchildren this year?

Big Hug

Christine xxx

THE FALL OF JACOB DEL GARDA - Ludlow Series book 5 - preview.

Ludlow Hall Series, designed by reader Jane Aschtgen Bowen
Ludlow Hall Series collage, designed by reader Jane Aschtgen Bowen

It’s not like me not to have a cover for this one, but we’re struggling to find the right model. Anyway, for you avid readers who’ve been asking about Jacob and want peek and a preview of what’s coming. Here’s the prologue. I don’t usually write prologues, but in this case it was required since readers have met Jacob before and know what he’s like, so I’ve had fans ask me what happened to him to make him the way he is. Plus we meet him in The Trouble With Coco Monroe, which means I’ll be inundated with queries.

Here’s the answer - enjoy!!

The Fall of Jacob Del Garda

A Ludlow Hall Story, book 5.

Prologue

‘I’m sorry, Jacob. But I can’t do this. I can’t go through with it.’

Gabriella’s voice was no more than a whisper.

Her fiancè’s spectacular face swam in front of her eyes.

And she blinked to clear them.

He simply stared at her as if she’d sprouted another head.

Blanking out her surroundings, the penthouse apartment of The Prince Felipe Hotel in the island of Bimini in the Bahamas. This was their dream home with its carefully chosen pieces. Pieces they’d shopped for together. Yet another wedding gift, beautifully boxed with a waterfall of silver ribbon lay unopened and forgotten on the table between them.

‘I do not understand, querida,’ he said carefully. His deep voice went rough and he cleared his throat. And those dark, dark eyes were riveted on her face. ‘You want to postpone our wedding. Or you do not want to marry me, ever?’

Colour rose and fell from high cheekbones leaving him too pale.

Her heart fractured.

Gabriella clung to the back of the chair for support. A corner of her mind registered the fact that her knuckles were bone white.

She wouldn’t think about why her life, her future, with a man she loved so much was lying in tatters. If she thought about it, she knew she’d never be able to go through with this.

Even now the mere thought of the pain, the harm, she was inflicting on a man who didn’t deserve either, made her sick to her stomach.

But the alternative made her straighten her spine and look him dead in the eye.

Jacob Del Garda was a hard man. In business he gave no quarter, she knew that. But with her he’d been patient, so loving and giving. Dark eyes the colour of burnt chestnuts narrowed into hers, while a crease lined his usually perfect forehead. He had a smooth lean face that complemented the aristocratic carve of his cheekbones and his long, thin mouth. His nose was slightly aquiline, which had always appealed to her. The hair, raven black, and those brooding eyes always made her think of one of those statues of a fallen angel.

She was used to seeing wonderful looking men. In her line of work a carefully maintained body was a given. At twenty-three she needed to workout four times a week to stay lean, healthy and to keep her body in shape.

A body she’d taken utterly for granted. And body that had let her down in the worst possible way.

Bitter tears stung again. Oh God, please help her do this.

The buzz in her ears became louder and she forced herself to take a shallow breath.

Her eyes stayed on his.

‘Ever.’

She saw the blow hit him and read a toxic mix of pain, confusion and desperation.

Her legs threatened to give way so she held on tight to the chair.

Be strong, you can do this, she told herself.

‘This is madness, Gabriella.’ Jacob’s deep voice cracked as he paced and ran a shaky hand over his hair. He wore a lightweight suit in pale grey, immaculately cut by an up and coming tailor from Savile Row. His crisp shirt was pristine white cotton, the windsor knot of his silk tie perfection.

He shook his head.

Dark eyes lasered into hers. ‘I know I have been busy with the new acquisition. You knew how it would be.’

She could almost hear his clever, analytical mind clicking through the probabilities of what had gone wrong.

Now he stopped. ‘You have been quiet and distracted, lost a little weight. But I put it down to nerves. I know you wanted a small wedding.’ He frowned, rubbed the back of his neck, that strong jaw. He stared hard at her. ‘Is that what this is all about? I agree things have got way out of hand. My father is enough to drive any sane person crazy. Has he …?’

‘No,’ she said quickly. She adored his father. ‘It has nothing to do with him. I’m sorry …’

Her voice faded. She could have written a letter, run as fast as she could. The thought had crossed her mind more than once. But that would have been sheer cowardice.

Jacob deserved to be told face to face that the future he’d dreamt of, of having a wife, a family, with her, could never be.

Of course, she could never tell him why because he’d never let her go. He was an honourable man with a highly developed sense of duty. He’d stick by her, of course he would.

But she was the one who couldn’t live with it, refused to even consider giving him a choice in his own future, his own destiny. She loved him too much to see him suffer, to see him look at other couples, normal couples, living a normal life. To see him wish that he’d chosen differently.

Jacob’s eyes went into dark slits, became cool and she shivered.

Those eyes missed nothing as they searched her face.

‘I know you can handle him. You can handle anything.’ But the tone had gone cold now. ‘Why?’

Gabriella licked parched lips.

‘I made a mistake. I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. But I …’

Her voice broke.

‘Stop saying you are sorry,’ he exploded and moved towards her.

Gabriella winced and took a step back, fear skidding up her spine. If he touched her she would break and never, ever, let him go.

His eyes went wide and she recognised hurt battling through utter disbelief.

‘You are scared of me?’

Shame scorched her cheeks.

Nausea crawled into her throat.

She was deliberately hurting a good man. A man who would stand by her, she knew he would. And that was precisely why she needed to let him go.

‘I would never harm you. How could you even think of such a thing,’ he said, and his Spanish accent became stronger as he looked at her as if he’d never seen her before. ‘Gabriella, we love each other. Do we not?’

His eyes, dark with pain pierced a shaft of agony right into her heart.

Sending up a prayer for forgiveness, she lied straight to his face.

‘No. I don’t love you,’ she whispered. And rubbed the burning ache below her breast bone.

She’d thought she’d experienced anguish, but it was nothing compared to this.

Jacob’s breath came hard and fast, and she watched him fighting a war of attrition to keep it together, hands clenched at his sides.

With trembling fingers, she took off her diamond and platinum engagement right, placing it on the table.

He flinched as if she’d slapped him.

‘Keep it.’ The raw torment in his voice mirrored the spear of agony in her chest.

But she merely shook her head and on shaky legs moved past him. ‘What about the house?’ he asked.

Their new home was almost complete, but she couldn’t think of it.

Truly she was in the middle of a waking nightmare, had been for ten hellish days, reliving over and over again the exact moment when her whole world had collapsed.

Don’t think about it, not now.

‘It’s yours,’ she whispered. ‘It’s the least I can do.’

‘Just like that? That is it? No discussion?’

Rage replaced pain in those dark eyes and Jacob’s fury lanced a heart already in pieces.

Gabriella knew that if she didn’t get out now, she never would. The only thing keeping her together was the unbearable knowledge of what their future held. And she drew strength from that.

She picked up her coat, her purse, and moved towards the door.

‘Stop!’

With her hand on the handle she paused, the pleading in his tone almost broke her.

She could not bear to look at him.

‘I want the truth. Is there someone else?’

For a second she stiffened, blinking with shock, then realised he’d thrown her a lifeline. What difference would one more lie make? And there would be no going back now. Because she knew Jacob would never, ever, forgive betrayal.

Her conscience was screaming now, asking what the hell she was doing?

He would be there for her in sickness and in health. But that was the whole point, wasn’t it? Thank God, she’d found out before they’d taken their vows. He deserved to be happy. Deserved to have a future, to have all the things he dreamed of, things she couldn’t give him.

‘Something like that.’

The shocked gasp behind her had her open the door.

‘Damn you, Gabriella. God damn you straight to hell,’ he said through clenched teeth as his voice finally cracked.

Hot tears blinded her.

‘I’m already there, my darling,’ she said so softly he could never hear her.

With a shaky breath Gabriella Dolman straightened her spine and stepped through the door to an uncertain future.

******************

So that’s the answer to all the questions.

God, you’re an impatient lot. I like that about you!

Christine x

READ AN EBOOK WEEK!

It’s read an ebook week on Smashwords.

And I’m thrilled to be taking part, thank you Mark Coker.

Today through the 8th of March, A Stormy Spring, Run Rosie Run and book two of my Vampyre series, Dirty Little Secrets is taking part and on sale at Smashwords with 50% OFF.

Have you ever downloaded books from Smashwords before? If not, you should. They have a vast library, and ALL their ebooks are ready to go in EVERY SINGLE EREADER FORMAT OUT THERE. It’s fabulous. And once you’ve purchased the book, you can download it in any format you like, as many times as you like. For instance, I have books both on my Kindle app on my computer, my iPadMini and also on my Nook. It’s fabulous. (Have I mentioned yet that it’s fabulous? Because it totally is.)

So don’t be afraid to buy from Smashwords just because it’s not Amazon or Barnes & Noble or iTunes (all of which, BTW, partner with Smashwords)! They’re a great resource for finding eBooks, and they are definitely a good friend to independent-published authors like myself.

Okay. Now that you’re totally sold on Smashwords, here’s how to take advantage:

Follow the links below to get to the Smashwords pages for A Stormy Spring, Run Rosie Run and Dirty Little Secrets. Take note of the coupon code listed there. The coupon code for all of my books is REW50. Click ‘Add to cart’. Enter coupon code. Click on ‘checkout’. Voila! You now own your book. Scroll down to see the different formats, and pick the one(s) that’s right for you.

A Stormy Spring https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/217331

Run Rosie Run https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/264289

Dirty Little Secrets https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/271820

What are you still doing here? Go get your copies.
And if you already own copies, this is a FANTASTIC time to give some away as gifts. Talk about easy gift-giving! Not that you need it, but you totally have my permission to gift to anybody and everybody you know.

I hope your Sunday is particularly fabulous.

Christine x

 

HAPPY PROCREATION DAY AKA - VALENTINES DAY

By awesome reader, the lovely, Jane Aschtgen Bowen via Facebook

By awesome reader, the lovely, Jane Aschtgen Bowen via Facebook

Happy Valentines Day!

The links to a free copy of Big Trouble In China are HERE!

My thinking behind the title of this post is that the word procreation was a better choice, more polite, than shagging. I could have gone for beget, breed, conceive, create, make, multiply, reproduce, sire, spawn. But since this is me you’re dealing with I went for shag.

According to certain people in the know in the scientific community and certain organised religions, the urge to shag is a primal one, meaning to shag is the reason we were put on earth, which would explain a lot.

Have you ever seen mismatched couples? I see them all the time. As a romance writer, I’m nosy an avid observer of the human condition.

So while I was watching H measure out four ounces of wholemeal pasta per person (we’re on the 5.2 diet) for our pasta and veggie bake he’s making for dinner, I got to thinking about the primal urge.

‘Perhaps,’ I said, ‘This is why a woman can end up with a well padded accountant from Pensacola who’s afflicted with folliculitis (I’ll wait while you Google it, it is not pretty.)’

H just gave me the look. And for authenticity I thought you might like to know that H has a deep, gravelly voice that has been likened to Sean Connery, there’s a lot of rolling of ‘r’s in our house.

‘The reason a woman might end up with a guy like that,’ he said. ‘Might be an overconsumption of warm Pinot Grigio at the office party, which might have resulted in a little surprise.’

Hmm. He has a point, didn’t think of that.

Undeterred, I ploughed on. ‘Okay, but the thing is that today women are not supposed to have hang-ups about shagging. We’re supposed to be able to express ourselves with gay abandon, liberated sexually, living in the new age where men no longer rule with their love muscles. But I don’t think that’s what’s happening at all. It never ceases to amaze me what women tolerate these days.’

He dumped the pasta in frantically boiling water, stirred, turned on the extractor fan before sliding a tray of chopped red onion, courgettes, peppers into the oven.

‘It never ceases to amaze me what I tolerate these days,’ he muttered. I ignored it because he mutters all the time.

While he opened a carton of passata, emptied it into a glass jug, added dried oregano, black pepper and crushed garlic and stirred, my mind was mulling over how couples who’ve been together a looooooong time do it.

‘The reason most couples have been together for years is because they’re fairly honest with each other,’ I said.

His brows rose. ‘This, from the woman who demands honesty in all things.’

‘The odd little porky pie (lie) isn’t a big deal. Look at how men always say, You look lovely, to their wives when their girlfriends are secretly wondering, What on earth were you thinking wearing that? It’s what makes a relationship last. But it’s vital to get the big things out in the open like, No I do not want your mother staying over every weekend. And look at us, we never let things drift! If we have an issue we discuss it.’

Silence.

‘Look at us,’ I said again. ‘Two weeks after we met, you asked me to marry you. And you were a confirmed bachelor.’ I’ve always secretly felt a bit smug about that.

‘In those days getting married was the only way to get regular sex from an attractive woman,’ came the shocking response that burst my romantic bubble.

Stunned, I just looked at him, the love of my life, and my temper started to simmer right along with the pasta.

‘Are you telling me.’ You might like to know that my tone matched Siberia. ‘You simply married me for my body?’

By this point he drained the pasta, dumped it back in the pot, took out the roasted veggies and stirred. Then he poured everything into a heated oven dish, poured over the passata, added baby tomatoes and grated cheese. Put the dish onto a tray and placed everything in the oven for twenty minutes.

He looked at me, caught the expression and blinked.

‘Among other things,’ he said. ‘Mostly, it was your quick brain and how you made me laugh. You still make me laugh. But, yes, marrying you for your body ticked a big plus in my box. My life is much more fun with you in it. And although it would be a hell of a lot more peaceful, I can’t imagine life without you, so you can lose the face.’

And then there was a romantic interlude. Use your imaginations!

So there you go, my theory is correct, we cannot help ourselves but procreate.

Go forth and shag with abandon on Valentines Day!

And, since I feel nothing but love for you guys here’s a link to a fabulous idea by horror author Samantha Warren, a blind date to match readers with authors of their favourite genres, there are plenty of mystery, psychological/legal thriller, romance - sweet and steamy, paranormal, sci-fi and even a non fiction author too. So pop over and leave your name on the link below and you’ll be matched up with an author. The author will email either a Smashwords code or email a gift of a book to your eReader of choice. Sound good??? The link is HERE

But I want to know what you guys are up to for Valentines day, will it be romantic with its logical conclusion or do you treat it like any other day?

You know I adore hearing from you!

Christine x

I’M IN TROUBLE

Sunrise over the MacKenzie household.

Sunrise over the MacKenzie household.

Good Monday, my darlings.

For those of you with long memories, a few weeks ago I mentioned certain Christmas toilet paper. The response was interesting. I’d no idea you guys would be riveted by such a thing. So when I was in the supermarket (I won’t mention which one since I’ve been outed in our local community) doing a bit of shopping, I happened across the lovely husband of my best friend Mags.

You might remember Mags is a card-carrying feminist and the owner of very clear thoughts and opinions, on men.

Anyway, I leaned on my shopping cart and gave him a cheeky grin. I couldn’t help it because he’s a big teddy bear and was peering through his glasses at row upon row of toilet paper and had a wonderfully ‘confused man’ look about him.

‘Hello, handsome,’ I said.

Oblivious, he didn’t budge or turn around so I called out his name and he jumped like a rabbit under a gun.

Then he gave me a wild-eyed look. ‘Ah hi, Christine. How are you?’

‘Very well. Whatchadoin?’

He waved a hand in the general direction of the toilet paper, then ran it over the back of his neck. Intrigued by this edgy behaviour I moved closer.

‘What’s this?’ I asked. ‘Doing the shopping? Are you a ‘new man’ these days?’

He looked over his shoulder and then whispered, ‘No. I did the shopping yesterday. She made a list. I didn’t stick to the list. I’m in trouble.’ He gulped audibly and by this time I was biting down hard on my bottom lip.

‘What didn’t you stick to on the list?’ I whispered back.

He blushed. And it was soooo cute. ‘Bought the wrong toilet paper,’ he admitted as if he’d broken every one of God’s laws. ‘I had to bring it back to customer services and get a credit.’

By this time my eyes were stinging, honestly that Mags is a monster.

I inhaled a deep, shaky breath. ‘What was wrong with the toilet paper?’

He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and peered at it.

‘It wasn’t white and it wasn’t with Aloe Vera.’

I peered at the list and sure enough there it was in black and white, ‘Supersoft gentle touch with Aloe Vera’ and she’d underlined it, twice, for good measure.

I defy any woman with a heart to abandon a man a such a time, so I scanned the rows and was stunned at how many different toilet paper there is to be had. I don’t do shopping because I’m writing. In this household we go for the best multi-pak deal in white we can find. However, we found what the wife-from-hell wanted and off he went happy as a clam.

Later, unpacking in the kitchen, I was telling H the tale and caught him giving me ‘the look.’

He was leaning back against the worktop, sipping a cup of coffee.

‘What?’ I demanded.

‘You,’ he said in a growly tone. ‘Have a very short memory.’

‘What?’

His eyebrows rose. ‘Don’t you remember the little temper tantrum when I bought ‘the wrong colour’ of toilet paper?’

I did not. Did I? A vague recollection from years ago of bright orange toilet paper made me give him big eyes.

‘It was disgusting. Why on earth you even considered it, I don’t know. We only ever have white toilet paper in this house.’

‘There you go,’ he said. ‘I feel a temper tantrum coming on. You are just as bad as Mags.’ He gave me a kiss. ‘And that’s why we love you.’

He walked out. And I’m still stunned.

I’m not a monster. I’m not. Seriously. I’m not!

Sigh. And that photo at the top of the post is what happened at dawn this very morning. Apparently we’ve a storm coming, blizzards, 70mph gales, yada yada yada.

You know I love to hear from you guys. Has your H ever done the grocery shopping? But more importantly, do they get the right kind of toilet paper?

Christine x

 

 

GUESTING ON WG2E TODAY - I’VE ARRIVED!!!

Ooooh, you’re never going to believe this!

Can hardly believe it myself, but I’m guest blogging on the awesome WG2E today talking about iTunes!

And just to give you an idea of what the weather’s like here:

FREEZING!

FREEZING!

 

Don’t leave me out in the cold all by my lonesome 🙂

Come along and say hello - please!

WG2E

Christine x