Due to the bulging nature of my inbox I bring you - Tongue in cheek Quips, Tips and Common Sense from CC MacKenzie.
TODAY IS MONDAY 30TH JULY.
Nothing like stating the obvious is there? However, there is a reason behind this date because today is my very first Dear CC post.
Confused? Not for long.
Life today is too complicated. Between the internet, emailing compromising pics and messages and tweeting undesirable tweets that can get you sacked from the job you love while texting rude jokey messages, we still worry about how to cope with crab claws along with how to boil the perfect egg; friends who break mighty fine wind, limp husbands, monstrous children and raunchy neighbors.
From childcare to dried flowers to glue guns, from diet to how-to-exercise-while-writing-the-next best-seller, I am here for you to help and guide you through the minefield that is the reader/writer’s life today.
So, whether you are deeply concerned with your sudden addiction to liquorice, the lack of a sex life to dealing with an errant husband and how to deal with naughty neighbours, to why you’ve hit a wall, this blog is just for you every Monday.
To give you a taste of what to expect here’s an email I received last week:
Dear CC
I loathe and despise the overuse of the word ‘shagging’ in novels today. Surely writers are capable of using their supposedly impressive imaginings to come up with an alternative? This is a huge issue for me because my husband has picked up the phrase and instead of stroking my arm or giving me a cuddle, his idea of foreplay at bedtime these days is to yawn hugely, scratch his belly and say, ‘Fancy a shag?’ I simply cannot cope with it any longer. Help.
Mrs P from Plymouth
Dear Mrs P
Ah yes, the reason we were put on this earth, procreation is a primal biological urge and something to be encouraged in a partner. However, these days we’re encouraged to be unrepressed, liberated sexually and told that we live in an age of egalitarianism where the power balance has shifted towards the female and that men are no longer the boss in a relationship. Unfortunately, with you this does not appear to be the case. It never ceases to amaze me how much women are prepared to tolerate. There is no hope for this man. Pack your bags and leave the lazy slob immediately.
As for the overuse of the word ‘shagging’ that is purely your opinion. Get over it.
CC.
So what would your advice to Mrs P be?
Is she right to be upset?
Do you use the word ‘shagging’?
You know I love to hear your thoughts and comments.
Share with us your valuable insights and advice.
CC MACKENZIE - USA Today Bestselling Author 
I actually had a great reply for Mrs. P, but by the time I got around to it I had forgotten what I was going to say. Ah, shag it..
LOL! Good one!
If he still wants to shag her, then honey(Mrs. P) do it. That term was never a part of the slang or whatever I heard growing up for sex. I thought that an English thing or Carolina thing, but not the north. Oh well, bring whatever you want in the BR for spice, it probably matters not to the male as long as he’s getting it.
I think she’s missing the ‘romance’ and to be ‘lurved’.:)
Yeah, what do you do about that one? Send out the advice missy.
haha - as a Canadian I enjoy British terms for things. Shagging doesn’t sound rude or inappropriate to me at all. I did watch the movie Closer with Clive Owen. “Do you fancy a poke.” That was way more lurid than shag. A shag here is a mixed gender engagement/pre-wedding party generally involving the consumption of generous amounts of alcohol. 😛
LOL! Now that’s really funny, Lisa, because a ‘poke’ in Scotland is a paper bag you put penny sweets in and in England it’s a push on the shoulder with your finger! No wonder people are confused! 🙂
Dear Ms. P: You will be please to note that I myself only use the terms “munkey chugging,” “indoor body surfing” or at worst “nuclear boink” when referring to this act, and always in the context of a committed relationship. Except the one story featuring the guy in the Green Bay Packers cap holding a can of Miller Lite beer. Decorum, however, does not allow discussing that particular example in this forum. Cheers, -DA
ROFL! I LOVE those examples, Dale! Decorum? In this blog? Worry not!
Good laugh, CC.
If Mrs P “loathes and despises the overuse of the word ‘shagging’ in novels today,” all she has to do is find a novel which uses the correct amount of “shagging.” There must be a website somewhere that rates books on their use of shagging, shaggygoodreads or goodyshagreads.com perhaps?
Cheers!
LOL! Nigel - shaggygoodreads is a good one! You are so naughty but nice!
Oh, CC. You must let Mrs. P know that in this, the enlightened age, she needs to go on the offensive. A visit to the hairdresser or wig maker is the first order of business for one of the modern shag hair styles. Next the bedroom decor: a shag rug of course. Then she should shag a few candles in her favorite scents, and high quality chocolates, and retire early with a very nice bottle of her favorite bubbly. Then when hubby wants to shag, she can sweetly tell him she already did and good night, dear.
LOL! Lynette, you’re on a roll today!
Shag, poke, monkey around. I say if the man wants to go down that road he needs to pave the way with sweet treatment first. He must treat his lady like a queen with cuddles, rubs and sweet nothings. I’m just saying.
Hi Debra,
Too true! Although I have to say that if mine yawned, scratched his belly and said ‘Fancy a shag?’ I’d die laughing because there is no way he’d ever speak to me like that and draw another breath, just say’in!
Ms. P. needs to tell her man that his terminology is not a turn-on, and he’s much more likely to get some if he’s more romantic. And she needs to tell him what she likes to hear because many men are clueless in this area.
I never heard the term shag until Austin Powers! Just not a midwest U.S. thing I guess.
Thank you, Jennette, for those words of wisdom. Someone else mentioned Austin Powers to me too!
I didn’t know that term until the Austin Powers movie, before that I only knew it as a term for dancing.
I think I’m going to try using dancing as a euphemism for shagging. 🙂
Ha! Ask your kids, Coleen, they’ll tell you what shagging means. Who’d have thought the word would so much to so many?
What’s the big deal? That dog on Scooby Doo is adorable and totally non-offensive.
I was kidding, in case that wasn’t obvious. LOL Love the post, CC! May all of your shagging questions be answered. 😉 😉 😉
I know you were, August! Who’d have thought a shag would have so many connotations? 🙂
I’ve never seen Austin Powers, so to the best of my knowledge, a shag referred to either a haircut or a rug. I’m with Debra and Jennette though. Most of the time. Sometimes less romance can be fun, but those times are few and far between…and they had better not be accompanied with a yawn and belly scratch. 🙂
Hi Kristy,
‘Sometimes less romance can be fun.’ Very true. I can think of a few of those myself. But the yawn and belly scratch wouldn’t do it for me either.