WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO MY BURGLAR….

 

Good Monday morning, my darlings!

In the incredible journey of life, we’ve been burgled twice.

The first time was when we went on holiday for a couple of weeks with my girls when they were small. Because of a spate of thefts from garages, we brought our petrol lawn mower into the house thinking it would be safe there. In those days petrol lawn mowers were terribly expensive and we had a large corner plot with much grass so we were very attached to the machine (which was a temperamental bloody thing with one of those cords that you pulled. Never started for me but batted its eyelashes at Hugo and leapt to attention when he pulled it. I called it The Bitch) but I digress.

We took all the usual precautions before going on holiday, cancelled the milk, the neighbours had a key and they picked up the mail and switched on the lights and kept a general eye on the place. Anyway, the low life scumbags – forever known as LLSB’s – entered via a side window (I won’t tell you how they did it in case some wannabes read this – why give them help? and they should remember payback’s an evil witch called Christine.)

So when we came back from a break in Ibiza all bronzed and mellow with our livers pickled in Sangria it was to find my dear friend and neighbour, Linda, in tears and totally devastated. (For that alone I hope Karma has inflicted mucho pain.)

After forensics had made an even bigger mess, Linda asked the boys in blue (police) if she should clean up the place and do a bit of tidying because she couldn’t bear for me to come back to the disaster that was my home and they said to go ahead. I should mention at this point that I’m known as the woman in whose house you can eat your dinner off the kitchen floor, just say’in

So although it was a shock it could have been worse. The LLSB’s took my late grandmother’s engagement ring which was all I had of her. She died shortly after I was born. Along with various other bits and pieces of jewellery. The LLSB’s had piled packets of flour, sugar, salt and tons of other things on the kitchen work surfaces – apparently in readiness to trash the place. The boys in blue surmised that they’d been disturbed by something and had left the way they came.

The fingerprint teams were the one thing that seriously spooked me because they’d been all through my underwear drawer – where I kept valuables and items special to me. I’m a girl, we do stuff like that – and the black powder took days to clean off. I felt totally and utterly violated that the LLSB’s had been through personal letters, bank statements (this was in the days before online banking) and other items.

But do you know what really, really &%%£$$!! me off?

The LLSB’s had gone through every single CD and took all MINE and left HUGO’s. How the hell is that fair? Not only did I lose The Corrs, Enya, Elton John, David Bowie, Roxy Music, Enigma, Paula Abdul, Bon Jovi (I cried over him) Meatloaf, Whitney Huston (bless her) and Mariah Carey.

But they left me with Delbert McClinton, Waylon Jennings, The Nitty bloody Gritty Dirt Band (!) Garth Brooks and The Texas Tornadoes … the list is endless but you get the picture.

This was the last straw that broke this camel’s back. I cried. I wailed. I sobbed like a baby with Hugo rocking me telling me to ‘Hush.’ And that ‘Everything would be fine.’  To this day I feel bitter. GIVE ME MY MUSIC BACK YOU S.O.B’S.

Sigh. So come on, what have you had purloined from you? Share and we can all heal together. And let’s see if we can beat last week’s amazing comments – you were all totally awesome!

The second time we were burgled is a whole other long story and you’ll need a box of tissues for that one.

Oh, and just in case your wondering, The Bitch was untouched. Snarl.

18 thoughts on “WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO MY BURGLAR….

  1. Wow Alica, Twice?

    It’s not fun is it? I’ve had two houses targeted in the UK and once overseas. It wasn’t as if the music was sorted into ‘his’ and ‘hers’ they combed through them. In my head I see two young guys sitting on my couch drinking coffee and flicking through the music. My teeth are grinding just thinking about it!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  2. An apartment [flat, as you guys across the pond would say. Why you call it a pond I still have to figure out] I once had before getting married got buglarized once. They came through the window by the fire escape. Nothing much got taken, the few dollars I had stashed in the pockets of various pants and jackets, a camera, and two service pins [cheap plastic with a plastic ruby – sedimental value]. It happened one day while I was at work. One cat I found hiding under the sofa/bed, and other one came strolling in some the outside. After that, I got a safety window gate which could only be opened from the inside. Other than that, the worse thing was that I felt “violated.”

    • Hello Robin,

      We call flats apartments too. I wondered why we say ‘across the pond’ and found this :

      Well, you know the British stiff upper lip, and their penchant for non-dramatic understatement. Add to this the fact that, for quite some time, “The sun never set on the British Empire.” The oceans of the world were no more than little ponds to the British ships!
      The term “across the pond” referring to America, also gives a sense that the British regard Americans as near neighbors, in a kind of affectionate way, but without being mushy about it.

      So there you go – it’s a term of endearment!

      Your poor cat! And it is the feeling of being violated, it’s horrible! But I got over it pretty fast!

  3. I didn’t know you also use the term “apartment” I’ve always heard the term flat used.

    BTW – I’ve just finished watching the entire series of “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes” with Jeremy Brett” on NetFlix on line. Before that was “Sherlock Holmes” series with Ronald Howard [Leslie Howard’s son].

    Next on my list is The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy from the 1980’s

    • Things have changed in the UK over the past five years or so. Mainly due to the fact that we watch so many US programmes and then with social networking, gaming etc our language has evolved. Also with so many Victorian/Mill/Mansion conversions in cities and towns into dwellings the term apartment sounds more upmarket than flat. At least that’s been my experience. My daughter lives in a conversion and she calls her place an apartment conversion.

      Jeremy Brett was the ultimate Sherlock Holmes imho and rocked the character and Watson was great in it too.

      Ahh, the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was ahead of its time! Keep an eye open for Blake’s 7 which was another sci-fi series. Showing my age now.

  4. Long time back someone broke into the house I was renting and took the jewelry box my boy friend gave me when I was 17 – and inside that box was all kinds of mementos – including a baby bracelet of mine — I do not have anything from when I am a baby because my stepmom adopted me and my biomom – well, either she doesn’t have anything or she has it and I just never asked about it – or?? who knows. I was devastated. There was nothing of monetary value in that box.

  5. Hi Kat!
    Now, you see, that’s just horrible. What on earth would they want with it? Over the years we’ve had items taken at least four times. These days I never become attached to things, I prefer people!!!

  6. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Christine!!!!!!!

    You crack me up! “The Nitty bloody Gritty Dirt Band” That is stinkin’ hilarious! Who in their right mind would want to steal that? Just sayin’!

    I know that when you are broken into, you feel so very violated. It’s horribe. What a great housewarming present upon your return, eh? Holy Crap Batman, that was a nightmare.

    The only experience that comes to my mind is when my family went away on vacation while my husband and I were on our honeymoon and the house got broken into. The neighbors noticed water coming out from underneath the attached garage door at the front of the house. They called the police and the fire department. Whoever it was that broke in, went upstairs and busted both toilets and water was streaming from the ceiling like rain. It was a complete mess. I fortunately had already moved out. Whew. But my parents had a nightmare on their hands and had to stay at a hotel while the house was renovated.

    Anywho, how are you girl? How’s your eyes? I will email you. 🙂

    • My eyes are recovering. Too much staring at the computer screen without blinking as I write Desert Orchid. Why did I think this was a good idea to just fly by the seat of my pants? WHY??

      Yes. Who would want the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band? Actually I don’t mind listening to Hugo’s stuff after a glass of wine I sort of get in the groove!!

  7. OMG, I would have been so hacked off about the music too! But more than anything, something of my family’s (like that ring) would have made me feel absolutely ill. I hope if you every find those lousy bastards, you make them listen to every single CD they left while you inflict serious torture on them.

    Incidentally, you can NOT eat off my floors, although my toddler often does. 🙂

    • Hello, Jenny.

      Good idea to torture them with the Nitty’s!

      And the days of the sparkly floors are long gone!! Years ago when my eldest was a toddler I found her eating out of the dog bowl and sucking on a floor cloth. Used to make me wonder why we bother with sterilising equipment!

  8. That really sucks. Losing personal items is awful but all the music really adds to the hurt. Thank goodness your neighbour had cleaned some or the shock of homecoming would have been even worse. I hope they catch the S.O.B.s

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