via reddit & techrepublic.com

Hello, my lovelies,

And how are we today? As you know I never usually post on a Wednesday but I’ve seen this and needed to share – prepare to grin. 🙂

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the
way computers have enhanced our lives, read on:

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared
the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

‘If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the

In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:

1.  For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash………Twice a

2.  Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you
would have to reinstall the engine.

5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run
on only five percent of the roads.

6.  The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal
Operation’ warning light.

7.  The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8.  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

PS: I ‘d like to add that when all else fails, you could call ‘customer
service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign
language how to fix your car yourself!!!

Haha! So, do you agree with the above? Is the Ford guy being a little bit harsh?  Please feel free to share, this was forwarded to me by the lovely writer Judy Ridgley!


  1. Not to throw wet blankets about, but I first read this in 1997 I believe. But it is still as funny and true as it was back then.

    • Really? This is the sort of thing my technical guy would have known and he found it hilarious! I was told this was recent! Someone’s going to get a smacked bottom. 😉

  2. I should note that I’m a fosil. I was using the Internet before there was a .com top level domain. We were limited to .gov .org and .edu. A graphical interface to the web was, at that time, someone’s dream (and other’s nightmares). We had Usenet, email, and useful tools like Archie (and veronica)and ftp. For half price you could get your email via UUCP in which your computer would connect to your provider multiple times a day and inquire about email. I also walked to school 5k uphill each way in feet of snow all year ’round.

    • Yeah? So you’d be the ‘go to’ guy for IT help? Changed days, Jeffrey. Strangely enough, although we’re from Scotland, when we were young we didn’t really see much snow because we lived on the West Coast which is on the Gulf Stream. And I remember well walking about 4k to school every day. We’re tough cookies!

      • My IT days are over although I do PC repair for fun. I’m a full time writer hoping to drop my amateur status soon. I grew up in San Diego, CA I saw it snow once. It was too warm to stick & lived about 300 meters from school. A bit of hyperbole I admit.

  3. Some of the other things would happen include:

    1 – They would sell you an optional 24/7 tech support. What this would entail is having to pay to sit next to you as you drive your car. If something should happen you would pull your car to the side of the road, get out of your car allowing your tech support person to go to work fixing your car.

    2. If you should ever go over the speed limit, and drive through a speed trap; the moment the patrol car would start after you, the car would detect the siren and immediately go into a hyperspeed, increasing to 150 mph, similar to the way an anti-virus program attacks the virus your computer has just encountered.

  4. LOL yup, this is an oldie but goodie. Although now, there would be an additional Ford engine to go in the Mac car, which would then be subject to the same issues. There would also be online forums where those of us who dare can look up how to be our own mechanics. 🙂

  5. Don’t be too hard on your tech guy. You can’t know EVERYTHING on the Internet & I get my kicks telling people who repost a lot that Cucumber Awareness Week (or some such rot) is in November not April.

    • LOL! Diane.

      I thought it was quite clever myself!

      Not going to go there about car manufacturers since I only buy German because of reliability and quality of service. I like engines that growl. But Hugo drives a Landrover Defender – think farm vehicle. It has a winch and a snorkel and boy stuff for going off road. Which we never do by the way. I receive funny looks when I drive it. I remember once in a supermarket car park, a security guard came over and actually patted the bonnet. When I gave him the raised brow he looked at me and said with a straight face, ‘I have dreams about that winch. It’s the best you can buy.’ My response which made my daughter die of mortification was, ‘Well, if that’s the best thing in your dreams big boy you’re a sad bugger.’

  6. This was new to me too. Thanks for sharing. Hilarious stuff. Computers (Microsoft) has gotten a lot smarter but there are still a lot of glitches.

  7. What Ford forgot is that this year we’d be driving on the left, but next year we’d change to the right. No, left. No, right. Wait—how about if everybody drives down the center line, and we build new elevated roads so we can come AND go? Yeah!

  8. I totally agree with the Ford guy’s sentiments (even if it’s an older post–still relevant)
    After MS introduced that ribbon crap, I switched to Mac. It’s been such a lovely experience. I won’t ever go back.

    • Interesting you have a Mac. It’s on my to buy list because I want to go direct to iTunes with my books rather than go through Smashwords. (And don’t tell Hugo but also because I want one!)
      And CONGRATULATIONS you on reaching the Amazon semi-finals – I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

  9. Pingback: Link Feast vol. 6 | Reetta Raitanen's Blog

  10. I’m back and still time I’ve done my reasearch.
    Here’s a listing of more car acronyms

    CADILLAC: Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars.
    CHEVROLET: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
    CHRYSLER: Can’t Have Refund, You’re Stuck Leasing Edsel’s Replacement
    CHRYSLER: Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair!
    MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane

    For more insane car acronyms go to:

    Follow me on wordpress [just click on my name] and I’ll follow back
    and on http://www.twitter.com/mypennameonly

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